COVID Senior Lockdown, Day 84

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been three weeks since my last post.
For your penance, my son, recite three Hail Marys, one Lord’s Prayer, and the lyrics to Stayin’ Alive.

Hi, there. Remember me? I apologize to my legion of fans (i.e., family and friends) for the gap. It got really busy here in Gunpowder World. But mostly, I ran out of material.

You see, the Government did a dastardly thing. They eased off on the pressure here in the Free State (Honest. That’s our Official State Handle. Hard to believe, no?) just enough to reduce the absurdity quotient to a status of Manageable. A Manageable level of absurdity makes it harder to find crazy stuff to laugh at. I need bright and shiny stupidity for inspiration.

Thank God they left us Masks.

Masks are the deep and lasting well of absurdity in this comedy of nonsense. Students, let’s review our History of Masks.

COVID Pioneer Era - The only masks of any value are the sacred N-95 masks. Anything else is a waste of effort, provides a false sense of security and would be merely Virus Theater.

COVID Social Distancing Era - Social Distancing is sufficient. Masks, which you can’t find anyway due to the panic created during the Pioneer Era, are only needed by First Responders and Medics to protect themselves.

COVID Golden Rule Era - Please wear a mask to protect Your Neighbor. Thank you oh so much. Look at my hand-sewn Betty Boop mask. I made it from old pajamas and a bra strap.

My Internationally Respected Specialist Doctor - Masks are more likely to make you sick than no mask at all. Your breath creates a warm, moist area right in front of your nose and mouth that provides a comfortable landing and nurturing spot for any random germs that come your way.

COVID Mask Virtue Era - You’re a heartless capitalist slug if you don’t wear a mask at all times and all places to protect Me. Shame on you and your Facegram page, too. And stop jogging! You’re in my space.

We are now in the COVID Mandatory Indoor Mask Era and the exact masks that were once a waste of effort and merely Virus Theater are now required to do commerce anywhere. This Era is overlapping the Virtue Era, making life, thankfully, silly again. More tomorrow. I hope.